You Will Be Disappointed Here

There is a wonderful flush that comes over people when they find a new church.  It is humbling and inspiring to witness—the generosity of spirit, the impulse to serve, the evangelical zeal with which they invite their friends to church.  Here is the community they’ve been looking for!  Here is a place where they are known and where they belong!  Finding a new church often accompanies a new or renewed commitment to faith and spiritual practices and a desire to learn, grow, and participate.

When I am still getting to know these new folks I often say to them (borrowing from Nadia Bolz Weber) “I’m so glad you love this place.  It will disappoint you.  I will disappoint you.  Something will happen that makes you question your commitment here and maybe even your whole faith.  Before that thing happens, I hope you will decide to stay, because that’s when grace gets to do its work.”

This is not the message our culture, self-help advice, or pop psychology send us. 

If it’s not working for you, then leave 

You don’t have to put up with that

You can do better

Find someplace where people are more aligned with you

Certainly, there is a circumstance that calls for each of those responses.  But it may not in your neighborhood church.  The truth is, someone at church will say something insensitive that hurts you.  You’ll share an idea that is not welcomed and adopted.  You will find some part of the theology or liturgy of the place discordant.  You’ll be spectacularly annoyed by the way that person sings, or the food that’s served at coffee hour, or the typos in the bulletin (not here, Carol!), or the community’s lack of attention to an issue that feels like life or death to you.  And, you know what?  It’s okay.  It’s okay to be uncomfortable.  It’s okay to doubt and question.  It’s okay to face challenges at church and in community.  In fact, this is where the grace comes in.  And it does.  As the Body of Christ, we are held together by more than our preferences or our politics.  As the Body of Christ, we get to practice hurt and forgiveness and healing and reconciliation.  We are prepared for this—Jesus himself tells the parable of the sower to remind us that this life of faith will get hard and we’ll want to quit.  We might be the seed sown on rocky ground that withers when the sun challenges it.  Or we might be the seed sown among thorns that gets choked by trivial concerns.  When (not if) we start feeling the uncomfortable rub of communal life, we can return to the solace of Christ, who lived elbow to elbow with other human beings, and still called it the best way to live.